WTF?
by tikitikirevenge
Summary: MarySue That's right Wigglytuff is the newest Smash Brother! But how will she cope with the challengers of being a Smash Brother and everyone hating her? WTFxMarth, WTFxLink, WTFxMario, WTFxEveryGuyInSSB. This is certainly not a parody, no sir.
1. Chapter 1

**WTF?**

DISCLAIMER:

This disclaimer is  
on the right hand side of the  
screen – I own nothing.

This is an OC story. To prove it, I have created a character just as original as all other 'original characters'.

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**Chapter 1**

* * *

"Hahaha," laughed Falco, in a drunken state.

"And you know what else?" asked Fox in an intoxicated state, holding Falco by the cheeks. "The bikini fell off, and we were like, party time!"

Master Hand rammed through the door, breaking it off its hinges.

"Everybody! Look sensible… and normal! A new smasher is coming!" shouted Master Hand.

Everybody celebrated, because a new smasher coming is a rarity, and usually never happens in stories. In fact, 'a new smasher coming' stories are very original. This is the first.

"Quickly, everybody!" said Master Hand. "Hide all of the messed up stuff!"

"I'm sorry," said Roy, crying, sweeping his Zebra under the carpet.

"Wear your smart looking suits!" said Master Hand.

The door to the Smash Mansion opened – and the newest SUPER SMASH BRTOHER ENTERED!

It was…

DRUM ROLL!

…Wigglytuff!

"Wigglytuff!" said Wigglytuff.

"Wow!" said everyone.

* * *

Oops, I'd better just give everyone the stats of Wigglytuff 'cuz she's, like, ya know, original. Here it is:

* * *

**Name:** Wigglytuff (ZOMG)

**Species:** Wigglytuff.

**What the species is a type of:** Pokemon.

**Height:** 3' 4.6279384"

**Description:** Wigglytuff is a round-ish, bunny-like Pokemon. Her skin is a blend of heliotrope and amethyst. She has two long protruding ears, the insides of which are a midnight black, and the outsides of which are the exact same blend of colours that the rest of her skin is.

Wigglytuff's eyes are a deep shade of azure, except for when she is covered in green paint, at which point they turn to a powerful shade of viridian emerald. There is a huge, completely un-dark patch of bright, colourless white on her stomach, and this adds to her beauty. Her face is exotic and is typical of exactly what the author would like to be, or date. (Think Eurasian with a hint of Kalahari African, except that it's a Pokemon.)

Wigglytuff's special powers include a super SLAP POWER which creates a **vortex of fire** so powerful that it engulfs all her opponents and allows her to win fights instantly. Wigglytuff can also use a super CLAW ATTACK which makes her grow claws for no particular reason and gouge people's eyes out – she is the bestest character ever! And I made her up!

They also include a singing power which will only be used in the songfic chapters, becuz I can't sing so singing sux.

Wigglytuff is not only a super powerful fighter – she is also a pop star, princess, singer, disc jockey, president, guerrilla, vigilante, military commander, robot, ninja, Cupid incarnate, Mary Sue, spaceship flyer.

Wigglytuff also has a super dark past which you don't find out about. Ever. It's called a 'plot device'.

Oh, yeah, and she can't speak English.

* * *

"Wow!" said Link. "The new Mary Sue- sorry, I meant, new Super Smash Brother, is _so hot_!"

"Hey, I want to establish interpersonal relations with her!" said Marth.

They fought.

"Wow!" said Zelda and Samus and Peach. "A female! I suppose we're _lawfully bound_ to take her under our wing!"

"Wig iggle tigglywuff!" said Wigglytuff.

"This story is doomed," said Fox sadly. He was right.

* * *

So now you've read the first chapter of this **AWESOME MARY-SUE STORY!**

Please read and review.

Sorry, I meant: REVIEW OR UI WONT UPDATE! AND R$ U" KNOW U WANT MEE TO UPDATRE!

Oh, by the way, this is not meant to be serious. If you didn't know that, now you do, and I would like to call you some nasty names. If you did do that, yay!

(Insert obligatory plug for all my other stories, plus stories by my brother **Hoogiman**, **Joebthegreat**, **Razzkat**, **ACT II**, **Eternal Smasher**, and me.)

Also, please don't flame, unless you really want to.


	2. Chapter 2

**WTF?**

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OMIGOD I AM SOOO COOL THAT I HAVE THE REEVEW REPLIES HERE!

Jay Resop: I FORGOT YOSHIZILLA I AM SOOOO SORRY I WILL PUT IN THIS CHAPTER!  
Act II: I HATE YOU! STFU!  
Joeb: U TEH SUXORZ! STFU!  
Razzkat: YOU TEH LIARRR! STFU!  
Turquoise: I M THE GENIUS AND U R NOT! STFU!  
Jigglypuff: WHY DIDN'T U REVIEW MY STORY JIGGLYPUFF I HATE YOU NOW STFU!  
SkyQueen3: STFU!  
Fool: Actually, I completely agree with you on all points, _especially_ about 'review or I won't update'. Thanks for the review.   
Rynada: IS THAT A FLAME? STFU!

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**Chapter 2**

* * *

"Well, we'd better get you to your room," said Samus to Wigglytuff.

Wigglytuff nodded eagerly.

"NO!" said Master Hand. "You must immediately enter into a fight to prove just how cool you are!"

Wigglytuff looked confused, but then she shrugged.

* * *

_Suddenly, at Final Destination…_

"Where the heck is this?" said Link.

"It doesn't matter," said Master Hand. "How about it's a vortex in the middle of nowhere?"

"Uh… kay," said Link.

"The point is, you will now fight our new Smasher, Wigglytuff!"

"All right," said Link.

The fight began. It was, for reasons involving a huge lack of imagination and/or effort on the part of the author, exactly like fights were in Super Smash Bros. Melee. In fact, it was so exactly like SSBM, that huge numbers appeared in the air, counting down until the fight began.

"GO!" shouted Master Hand.

Link jumped forward and slashed at Wigglytuff with his boomerang.

Wigglytuff's happy smile turned to a shocked look of indignation. "Wigglytuff!" she said angrily.

Link poked Wigglytuff with an arrow, in the eye.

Wigglytuff fainted in shock, falling backwards to the ground.

She didn't move.

"Uh…" said Link uncertainly, "do I win?"

"Wait…" said Master Hand. "It looks like she's charging up her noobishly powerful slap attack!"

Link looked at Wigglytuff's body, which still lay still. "Oo-kay…"

* * *

_Three hours later…_

"Look," said Link, "nothing is happening."

Wigglytuff got up and slapped Link on the cheek.

"Ow!" said Link.

Link poked Wigglytuff with his bombs.

Wigglytuff started crying.

"Aw," said Link, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

It suddenly occurred to Link that he was holding a lit bomb.

"Huh," he said. "I'd better throw this away."

It blew up, and Link staggered back slightly.

Wigglytuff smiled vacantly.

"Meh," said Master Hand, "we all know that Wigglytuff was going to win this anyway, so…"

Master Hand swooped down, grabbed Link, and dragged him out of the arena.

"WIGGLYTUFF WINS!" he shouted.

"Yay!" cheered the crowd.

"How can there be a crowd if we're in a vortex in the middle of nowhere?" wondered Samus.

"Shut up, person-who-was-raised-by-birds," said Falco, shoving her.

"Shut up, bird," said Samus, shoving him back.

"Ooh, clever comeback," said Falco sincerely.

"Yes-a," said Luigi.

* * *

Later, once Link had recovered from his humiliating defeat at the hands of Wigglytuff, he went over to talk to her.

"Hey," he said.

"Wig!" said Wigglytuff brightly.

"Yeah," said Link. "Anyway, congratulations. It's amazing. It's… wow, it's just so amazing that there's a Smash Brother so awesomely over-powered that tournaments become a complete waste of time."

Wigglytuff nodded.

"Yeah, good work," said Link, backing away, and then fleeing in shame.

On the other side of the room, Marth and Roy were discussing the newest Smasher.

"She's really something, you know," said Marth, running his hand over his sword as he held it up to the light.

"You're right," said Roy. "I just _have_ to make out with her and then kiss her furiously and then become deeply, deeply romantically involved – so much that we marry."

Silence.

"If you get what I mean," said Roy.

"Yeah, I get what you mean," said Marth. "It's interesting, isn't it? Here we all were, living our lives normally, and suddenly a new arrival causes everyone to get caught up in a huge love triangle."

"It's not a triangle if it has over twenty people in it," said Roy.

"Okay, love icosagon," corrected Marth.

"I said _over_ twenty," said Roy.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Marth, standing up and raising his sword. "I'm sorry that I offended you by implying that a triangle can have more than three sides! But you know what, Roy? _I don't care!_ In fact, I _hate_ you! Let's never be friends again!"

"Fine!" replied Roy angrily. Then he stopped. "Wait – Marth, don't you see? This newest Smash Brother, Wigglytuff, is driving us all to madness! It's horrible!"

"You're right," said Marth. "We must keep level heads."

Peach went flying by on a broomstick, with Mario chasing after her, waving a large green and purple glowstick.

"Level heads," agreed Roy.

* * *

**THANK YOU all for T3H REVIUWS!**

I want more reviews!

(Yeah, also read stories by me, **Yoshizilla** who I completely forgot about and I'm sooooo sorry, **Kill the Empire and Oni** who I've never actually read a single story by, and all the people I mentioned in the first chapter (they're great), and **Tikitikirevenge**, and me. Oh, and yours truly.)

* * *

Oh, and whoever flamed me – thanks for adding to my review count. Can you do that for every chapter? I promise to take your abuse to heart. –crosses fingers– 


	3. Chapter 3

**WTF?**

* * *

MORE REVIEW REPLIES CUZ I LIEK THEM:

Jamie: Yay, I made someone happy… STFU!

Razzkat: Hahahaha I stole Wigglytuff from you! Hahahahaha u sux! STFU!

Joeb: U STILL R TEH SUXORZ! STFU!

Rynada: STOP FLAMING ME FLAMER! STFU!

Niyanna: Hahahaha ur name iz funneh. STFU!

ACT II: How dare you rip me off? STFU!

SasukeBlade: Did you call me the r0xx0rz? STFU!

Yoshiguru: Hey, why don't you try reviewing a story that wasn't written by… you know…

SkyQueen3: …more… chapters? What… chapter? Og no like thinky… STFU!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

That night, as Wigglytuff went to bed, she had the strangest dream.

This particular dream was about Wigglytuff and Pikachu flying around the city of Fourside on a yellow banana, while a choir of heavenly angels sang about the latest SSB game.

Suddenly, though, she was woken from her slumber by Marth, who was now in her bed.

"Wig?" said Wigglytuff in confusion.

"Mmm-hmm," said Marth, leering.

"Wigglytuff!" said Wigglytuff indignantly.

Roy opened the door. "Hey, Wigglytuff, sweet thi- what the…?"

Marth looked up, shocked. "I can explain!"

"Hey!" said Roy. "I though we agreed that there would be no romantic subplots!"

"Hey," said Marth, "I don't care what you think. Wigglytuff loves me… right, sweetums?"

Wigglytuff walked out of her room very fast.

"Huh," said Marth.

"Huh," said Roy.

"So," said Marth.

"Uh, breakfast time," said Roy.

* * *

"So, Wigglytuff," said Zelda, as she chewed on her cereal (by the way Zelda eats **royal cereal** because Zelda is a _princess_ but not Peach becuz PEach sux adn im not a peach fanboyslashgirl), "do you get many suitors?"

Wigglytuff looked at Zelda, confused, then shook her head, smiling.

"Really?" said Zelda. "That's surprising; such an obviously attractive woman like you…"

Wigglytuff blushed, and then choked on a bone in her corn flakes.

"Wait a minute," said Mario, who had been watching, "how do _bones_ end up in people's _corn flakes_?"

"Corn bones," replied Peach matter-of-factly.

"What?" said Mario incredulously.

"You know?" said Peach. "Do you think that corn plants just move with a bunch of muscles and blood thingies? Of _course_ not, they need _bones_ to move around, _duh_."

"Are-a you serious?" said Mario.  
"Duh," said Peach, crossing her arms pompously, "I'm a princess. Princesses are always serious!"

Peach went back to eating her _non_-royal cereal.

"Hey!" said all of the kids in unison as they stampeded down the stairs, "it's the new person!"

"What's her name…?" added Young Link.

"Jigglypuff?" said Nana.

"No, that's Jigglypuff's name," said Young Link.

"Wigglytuff!" remembered Ness.

Young Link, Nana, Popo, Ness and Kirby finished their stampede and crashed into Mario's back.

"Oop," said Kirby. He stepped back. "Uh, Peach did it."

"Of course I did it," said Peach, "I'm a _princess_."

"Peach, did you realised you just confessed to something you didn't do?" said Zelda, annoyed.

"Of course I realise," said Peach, right before Mario hit her in the head with a dead fish.

"Ow," said Peach, fainting.

"Hi," said Master Hand, floating in, "are we all having a nice chat?"

"Yep," said everyone in unison.

"Who's talking to Wigglytuff?" said Master Hand.

"We were about to," said Young Link.

"Not _good enough_," said Master Hand. "That's it! No lunch for any of you today! Except for Wigglytuff. She's my new favourite Smasher!" In fact, this was because WIGGLYTUFF IS THE BEST SMAShER 3VAR!

"That sucks!" said Ness. "Why don't we get any food?"

"Because you didn't make Wigglytuff feel welcome," said Master Hand.

"We were _about to_!" said Ness.

"Not good enough," said Master Hand.

"I hate you!" said Nana, throwing Popo at him.

"Ow!" said Ness. "Why didn't you throw him at Master Hand?"

"Because you're a _nerd_," said Nana.

"Nana," said Ness, slowly, "there's-"

(Oops, I haven't mentioned the word Wigglytuff for six whole lines.)

Wigglytuff did a little dance, which was so impressive that everybody clapped politely.

"Yes," said Master Hand, "you're very interesting. Very. Interesting."

He left.

"It's great to have you, Wigglytuff!" said Link. "Will you be my lovey-dovey?"

Wigglytuff shook her head.

Link burst into tears. "Nobody loves me!" he cried.

"I love you!" cried an army of fangirls outside the Smash Mansion.

"I'm Link!" added Link.

"Oops," replied the Marth fangirls. "You suck!"

"Nobody loves me!" cried Link.

Wigglytuff patted Link on the head.

"Wow, compassion," said Link. "That's good enough for me!"

* * *

**THANK YOU all for T3H REVIUWS!**

I want more reviews!

(Yeah, also read stories by me, **Tikitikirevenge **is really cool, **Tiki **who I've co-wrote a few chapters with, and all the people I mentioned in the first chapter (they're great), and **Tikitikirevenge**, and myself, of course.)

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End file.
